Since becoming pregnant, it's like I've been accepted into this special club --- women with whom I would have nothing in common otherwise are suddenly my biggest source of advice and support as I grow this baby and panic about motherhood. We scored some awesome furniture last night, along with some other goodies. It's kinda fun to finally have some baby stuff in the house. We are just a few weeks shy of the halfway point --- time is going fast, and November will be here before we know it. I'm still fortunate to be having a dream pregnancy. Aside from the occasional exhaustion and my too snug pants, I've been feeling great. Perhaps a bit moodier than normal, but who knows? Like always, I save my moods for my husband, so I guess he'd be the best judge of that.

I'm waiting patiently to see if I'll get called for an interview for the Head Start job. My current workplace is more stressful than any I've ever been in, and it has nothing to do with my job. It's poorly managed and my direct supervisor is the culprit. I wonder how she got her job, given what I've seen and heard about her reputation over the course of her 30 yr county career. It's a little discouraging because, at this point, I can't afford to not have a county job. If I went elsewhere, I wouldn't have FMLA or the same benefits package that I have -- and we can't afford that. I sometimes wonder if I should've stayed at Chrysalis, but the insurance alone was so outrageous --- even though my take home pay is less here, at least we all have affordable and decent health care, which is important. I need a healthy husband now more than ever.
Anyway, my boss is an a-hole and I would welcome the opportunity to leave this job. Not only has it been personally stressful, but I'm not married to the work I'm doing, which makes staying motivated that much harder.

I'm on a mission to find a baby prep checklist, kind of like the one I had for my wedding. There's a trillion things to do, and I have no idea if it's too early (or too late) to start doing them. Can't wait for our next ultrasound! Another week and we'll see if we're having a little prince or princess. :-)

baby bump

I'm finally starting to actually feel pregnant, which is strange and also kind of exciting. I had such an easy first trimester that I barely felt any different. Now, I'm starting to get a little bump and feel like something's going down in there. My pants are starting to work overtime, and may need to be retired soon. We'll hopefully find out next week if it's a boy or a girl. I still feel like it's a girl and refer to it as "she" and "her" --- Scott is thinking boy. We'll see who's right! I think it'll make it more real to know, and to actually start making plans for his/her room, etc.

A job posting came across my desk today for a community outreach and volunteer coordinator for the county Head Start program, and I think I may apply. Even at the low end of the pay range, it would be around a $3 raise, and I feel that I would be much happier working in a place that I felt more emotionally connected to. A place that does good for people who need help, but with all the benefits of a county job sounds just perfect. I may be slightly underqualified, but I may go for it anyway. It seems a little insane to get a new job when I'm almost 4 months pregnant, but I think transferring to another job within the county will keep all my benefits and my seniority intact. We'll see.

Kristen and Keith are in town, and I'm excited to see them! It's always good to have an O'Neill around.

heartbeat

We *finally* surpassed the 12 week threshold of Baby James' cooking time, and were able to go public with our news. It's exciting to talk about it with everyone, and have everyone be all excited for us. Our little person will be loved from coast to coast.

We were able to hear the heartbeat (very fast) and get an ultrasound at our 12 wk appointment. He/she looks like an actual little person, even though only measuring a whopping 2 inches long. What's happening in my body is very bizarre and a lot to think about. I try not to fixate on it too much. It's too much to handle.

Yay baby! It's getting more and more exciting. I'm a lucky lady.

you should write

Having been encouraged by my husband last night to write, I thought maybe I should try to be more devoted to my little blog. I've never blogged for public consumption -- only for myself. I used to livejournal like it was nobody's business, and while it was read by a few people I knew, it was mostly just for me. And it serves its purpose --- I occasionally go back and read it, and am transported back to moments in time. Its good to reflect on where you were and how far you've come. If we'd stuck to our original plan, we'd be moving to Minnesota in approximately 17 days. But --- in typical fashion, life clearly has other plans for us. We are staying in AZ for the foreseeable future, and are anxiously (and with a mild amount of terror) awaiting the arrival of Baby James #1, who is scheduled to show up around November 1. It's all very exciting and scary and overwhelming and strange. I can't quite get over the idea of a tiny human being (who is currently ~2 inches long and looking like a person already) existing inside me. And the fact that I'm responsible for its development, and eventually, its survival and upbringing. But, given my tendency to be a lunatic, I am remarkably calm. I kind of feel about it like I used to feel about college papers and projects. Something that I had not even started would be due in 2 days and I'd start to freak out (kicking myself for the 834th time for waiting till the last minute) --- and suddenly, a sense of calm would wash over me as I realized, "It'll get done". That's it. It'll get done. It may be hell and I may be miserable for the next 48 hours, but it'll get done (on time) and soon it will be behind me. That's what I think about this pregnancy and subsequent motherhood. I can spend all day getting bogged down in the details: how can I possibly give birth? how will we possibly afford a baby and all the stuff that tiny people need? what about my maternity leave? what about our schedules and daycare? But, at the end of the day, the only truth is ........ it will get done. And every parent I know and thousands of people on the Internet that say that parenthood is the singular most amazing and fulfilling experience of their lifetime can't be wrong. So, here we go. Life is good. I live with my very best friend, and we have a little house, and a little dog and a little James on the way. We live a simple, little life and it's perfection.